His Turn

 

 

I also had an experience concerning patience but I responded differently.

 

 

 

It was the fourth time I looked at my watch. Then the secretary approached me, “The doctor will see you after he finishes three more patients. “ Oh…I understand. I’ll just wait for my name to be called.”, I answered smilingly(sigh). Then my stomach churned.

 

 

An hour elapsed. The long wait is finally over. I had my turn.

 

 

 

I closed the door behind me. “Brrrrr…”, the cold breeze made me shiver. I sprinted towards the nearest bus stop. ‘Can’t wait to get home. I still have a long list of tasks ahead. ”I hope the bus arrives soon”, I briefly closed my eyes and prayed.

 

 

 

15 minutes.

 

 

 

I kept myself entertained. I started singing a Demi Lovato song, “…I will be rising from the ground, like a skyscraper , like a SKYSCRAPER!” (by the way, the weather remained calm)

 

 

 

No bus came.

 

 

 

 

*#@&**#&#^**?!!

 

 

 

 

 

I should have prayed patience to be patient.

After reading one of her devotionals, Julie Ackerman Link reminded me,”Not receiving an immediate answer to prayer is no reason to give up faith.” Patience is a sign of spiritual maturity. And it requires time. I should wait on the Lord, more than those on night watch waiting for dawn to come.(Psalm 130:6, emphasis mine)

 

 

 

But waiting often makes me grumble—particularly if it involves my future and my security. A few days ago, I went through a period of testing. And in my spiritual frailness, I failed to recognize God’s sovereignty.

 

 

In his book, God is closer than you think, John Ortberg wrote, “Even when we failed, the flow of the Spirit can be restored in our lives at any moment. And all we have to do is ask.”

God is a faithful listener. He is also an excellent teacher. He allows trials in my life to bring me down on my knees and let Him take over.

God promises, “Those who trust in Me will find new strength and soar like eagles.” (Isaiah 40:31, emphasis mine)

 

 

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Northern Wisdom

“Crrrunch! Crrrunch!” Each time I make a step further, my legs wobble and and my boots sank deep onto the snow. For someone who is experiencing winter for the first time, I found myself savoring the moment. This is amazing. I am actually walking on snow.

 

 

I pushed myself forward against the arctic chill. Exhaling visible mists and gritting my teeth, I trudged towards the bus stop.

The wind continuously blew across my face. And then, it starting to feel like my nose’ no longer there. (Frosty could use another carrot for a replacement but I’m not intending to have a new one)

 

 

Finally, I got a ride before I lose any body part. Through the opaque windows, the street pavements looked helplessly buried under snow; leafless, dormant trees rooted on a frozen mantle; traffic slowly moving on roads layered with icy film; people,puffed up from wearing all sorts of insulation, are scuttling their way to work.

 

 

Chilly conditions necessarily require adding a layer of insulation. It can trap body heat and buffer the colder external air. One of them are Down jackets.

 

 

I’m wearing one right now. In fact, I’m also wearing a thick sweater, a thermal wear and an inner shirt underneath. I don’t have any plans replacing Frosty for a new movie.(although that could mean a Hollywood exposure for me).

 

 

Manufacturers describe Down jackets as extremely warm and comfortable for they have excellent natural feather insulation. I failed to read more about them and I chose to rely on my limited experience. Guess what? Apart from looking like an inflated balloon, it really felt too warm inside.

The same thing happens when we steer the wheel of life by ourselves.

Jesus says, “I am the Vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in Me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing. (John 15:5, NLT, emphasis mine)

 

I am learning three truths from this verse.

 

The verse ends as,“For apart from Me you can do nothing.”

Grace.

I heard someone say,”God will not allow difficult situations taking place in our lives if we can’t handle them.” The world’s optimism encourages us– we can manage our situations by way of our unexplored abilities that only needs awakening. I agree, we are blessed with individual talents. However, we don’t know the manual completely. Only our Maker does. Paul encourages us, “Do not think you are better than you really are. But think of yourself as you are. You are what you are because God has given you something when you believed.” (Romans 12:3, NCV, emphasis mine)

In his book, Forgotten God, Francis Chan wrote, “God wants us to walk in step with His Spirit rather than depend solely on the raw talent and knowledge He has given us.” God respects our liberty, nonetheless, He desires for His children to have wisdom which we don’t innately possess. He is just waiting for us to ask.

I am reminded that only His wisdom will make my life more secured and it starts by trusting His will rather than what I think is best.

 

Jesus then emphasizes,“Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit.”

Growth.

I acknowledge, I have grown some weight but not in wisdom. If dogs receive treats for their obedience, I had mine the other way around. I need to be selective in my food choices. And just like with food, I should feed myself with the best option that can nutritiously benefit my soul.

In her article, Maturing Spiritually, Michelle Arthur wrote,”God calls us to mature in our faith and be disciplined in our pursuit of Him while He pursues us”.

I confess, when my life gets crowded, I occasionally read and meditate on my Bible.

“God reveals the truth about Himself in His Word, not for the sake of knowledge, but for the sake of relationship with us. He tells us about Himself so we will put our faith in Him, so we will treasure and worship Him and not waste ourselves on man-made idols.”(Harris, 2010)

Furthermore, in the Bible, James elucidates,”Do not merely listen to the Word….do what it says.”(James 1:22, NIV, emphasis mine)

 

Jesus begins with an awe-inspiring truth,“I am the Vine; you are the branches.”

Glory.

Both grace and growth came from the Vine.

One amazing Pastor said,“What makes mankind unique is that we are all created to reflect our Creator”. And every piece of life around us bear His autograph.

Francis Chan confesses, “When I live by my own power and strength, relying solely on my natural talents to see me through, then people naturally praise me for how am I living. But when I am living in a way that requires me to depend on the Holy Spirit, people respond by praising my Father in Heaven.”(Chan, 2010)

I desire to resonate God’s frequency to those around me.

Life is not all about living it to the fullest but living out His love to the fullest. This transformation in our lives lucidly translates to people around us the Good News: all we need in life, we can only find in His unending love.

 

 

Four Months Ago

Four Months ago, my family reached an important decision

Like opening a new book and skipping the introduction

I was asked to let go of the present and to chase after my father’s dream

I gave no attention to my personal fears instead I honored him and embraced the unseen.

 

 

Four months ago, me and my family are in the airport saying our goodbyes

We all hardly slept the night before and arrived before sunrise.

My tear glands are so exhausted, I cried my worst

My arms all over them, my heart is about to burst.

Then I saw how much the situation grieves them more

I inhibited myself from showing emotion for I want to see them smile once more.

 

 

Four months ago, I was on a middle-aisle seat and heard “air turbulence approach”

We are high in the sky but it still felt like wheeling on a broken road

I fastened myself tightly, with my eyes closed,my body frozen like a toad

My fear of heights left me panting, I thought of exit doors which is pretty absurd

Then I saw the parade of lights, it isn’t heaven yet I know

We’re almost near the airport, no cause for alarm

I can already kiss the ground, finally I’m safe from harm.

 

 

Four months ago, my surrogate family brought me to Church

God answered my need for nurture to live a life beyond reproach

It is a good start,I believe, for the challenge has began to unfold

Tiresome days, I found myself composing and sending resume after resume

Unceasing prayers encouraged and kept me waiting for an e-mail day by day.

 

 

Yes I know it has been four months and the future for me still remains unclear.

But I am more than grateful for God has made His presence always near.

Even as I act like a whining kid, I never felt alone

He softened my heart that used to be made of stone.

 

 

He wants me to remember His promise in Psalm 139, verses 8-10

His hands will faithfully cradle me towards the end

And even if I have to start my life all over again

I will always remember, in my heart, I have God who calls me “friend.”